A Guide To Being More Courageous

I never saw myself as a courageous person, but as I began writing this blog, I started reflecting on some of the things I’ve done over the course of the last few years and realized that I AM courageous. Funny enough, I seem to be more courageous in doing big things than little things. Some of the big things include getting my coaching certification, moving to China, becoming a Stepmom to my man’s 15 yr old daughter and pre-retiring from my corporate job after 15 years to pursue my passion in coaching. Yet, getting in front of the camera to record a video, still leaves me feeling petrified. What’s up with that….? It’s one of the courage muscles I continue to work on.

The thing is, our brain is programmed to focus on the negative, paying attention to what could go wrong and what dangers lurk around the corner. This comes from years of evolution. When we were hunters and gatherers, eons of years ago, lack of awareness of our surroundings could lead to death! Though life is very different today (we don't have to worry about that T-rex around the corner), our brain has been programmed and continues to operate very much in the same way; it is always scanning for danger in order to protect us. Today, we also have something else that is always working to protect us: our EGO. And the ego is even more dangerous than the T-Rex.

The good news is that courage is a habit that can be developed through consistent work and, most importantly, action. Because the interesting thing is this; the only way to get past the fear to grab the brass ring is to do the very thing that scares you. So how do I get over my fear of the camera? Get in front of it! It's about taking ownership of our life and of who we are and growing into the humans we want to be, rather than who we are today.

Fear keeps us playing small and when we play small, we have a small life. But when we become more courageous, that’s when we start living that big, joyful life we all deserve!

What Courage Looks Like

So, I thought I would begin by defining what courage is. First and foremost, it is one of the 6 High Performance Habits as defined by the High Performance Institute. This habit, along with Clarity, Productivity, Influence, Energy and Necessity have been scientifically proven to be highly predictive of people’s Happiness, Confidence, Income and Life Satisfaction, among others. How awesome is that?!? I think we all can use more of the above, no?

Second, courage doesn’t necessarily mean running into burning buildings, or putting yourself in dangerous situations, like our firemen/women and police officers do. I have the utmost respect for what they do and I'm grateful for their courage. For most of us, it’s about moving forward despite the fear in doing the small things. So let's explore the different times you might need to tap into your courage.

• Expressing yourself
  Have you ever been in a situation where you spoke up in a meeting and either got shut down by your boss or a colleague because your point of view didn't align with theirs? OR you said something and were judged for speaking out? Yeah... Been there too. It’s uncomfortable and it makes us feel bad. But there have also been times when speaking up opened up a new way of thinking and got us in a very different and better direction. So, speak up anyways. Have the courage to make your voice heard even if it may not be aligned with the other voices
  
  
• Committing to something
  You may be hesitating because you fear it will make you feel trapped, or worse, that you will be making the wrong decision. When we commit to something (or someone), we do it with all of the information available at the time. Making this decision doesn’t mean it is final. You can always make another decision, if you realize that it is not what you expected or what you signed up for. So don’t be afraid! Make the commitment despite the uncertainty
  
  
• Asking for help
  Some people have a hard time asking for help. That is especially so with people who harbor a fixed mindset. For them, asking for help is admitting defeat, admitting they are not “whatever” enough to do it on their own with the knowledge that they have. They may not want to look “stupid” or vulnerable. But it is easier to ask for help than it is to fail. Asking for help means “I know my capabilities and I need to learn more before I can do this on my own”. There’s no shame in that!
  
  
• Doing something you’ve never done before
  You may have to learn something new and this might take you out of your comfort zone, or you may fear the impact that a decision could have on your family, team or organizations, esp. if things go sideways. Again, you might fail. But our greatest learning comes from making mistakes and from failing. I’ve often heard people say you have to “fail forward”. Although you may feel failing is setting you back, it can very well be setting you up for a leap forward, so try doing “the thing”!
  
  
• Taking risks
  We all take risks. Every day. Some can be innocuous, like crossing the street - you may not see a car coming. Others are bigger. There are two things I did which seemed like big risks, but were in fact, relatively low risk: Jumping out of an airplane and walking on fire. In those cases, the risk seemed bigger, but when I thought about it, I knew the people who organized it would not risk anything bad happening to me. In the end, doing something big helped me see that I could tackle the little things just as well

The Benefits of Being More Courageous

• You open yourself up to new opportunities because anything worthwhile has an inherent risk
• You grow into a better human. You get to know yourself really well when you are constantly testing your mettle
• When you realize that “the thing” isn’t going to kill you, it empowers you to be even more courageous
• You have less regrets. You don't wonder how doing “the thing” was because you actually did it!
• You develop more self-confidence. When you tackle an obstacle, when you do something you were afraid to do and you do it successfully, that’s a major boost to your ego and gives you the belief that you can figure “it” out

9 Tactics for Developing More Courage

Be clear as to WHY you are taking the risk and for whom

When you have something bigger than yourself pushing you, when you are connected to all of the reasons why you want to do something, you can be more courageous. For example, after a stint in Singapore, I had always dreamed of going back to the region. It was a risk. I could hate living there, but I wanted to learn and grow from having more experience working outside of the US, so when the opportunity presented itself to relocate to China, I jumped at the chance. Turns out, I loved it!

Trust in your abilities

If you don't trust yourself yet, try doing small things that require courage and do them consistently. If you are afraid of talking to people, try talking to the person in front of you at the checkout counter. It’s low risk, as you’re likely never to see them again, so you have nothing to lose. Give yourself a pat on the back every time you do and watch your confidence grow.

Role model the behaviors of your courageous friends

Do you know someone in you circle who is courageous? Spend more time with them. Ask them how they developed the courage to do the things they do. What habits support them in being courageous. What type of mindset do they have? Are they growth oriented or do they have a fixed mindset?

• With a Growth Mindset, people are more willing to take risks because they see it as a learning experience
• In a Fixed Mindset, people are more more risk averse because of the fear of looking incompetent
  
  

Get off the fence!

Rip off the bandaid and do it. Often the anxiety over thinking about the things we want to do is much worse than the actual doing. I remember talking to my Dad before I decided to (p)retire and he was surprisingly supportive. None of the scenarios I had played in my head came to pass.

Check your ego at the door

Often, ego keep us from action. Ego doesn't want to be bruised. It doesn’t like being put in uncomfortable positions. So, thank your ego for having your back and politely tell it to shove off.

Realize that done is better than perfect

For us entrepreneurs, we want to polish, improve and perfect our content before we share it with the world. For some, that means never putting their content out there because it is always in the process of being perfected. But listen… You can't perfect something you are not willing to expose to people so they can give you feedback! So write that blog, launch that course, finish that book and get the feedback so you can improve it.

Know your fears and skill up!

What are you afraid of? Do you have a list? If not, make one. Then, take each thing and strategize how you can get over that fear. Why are afraid? Dig into the root cause, so you can address it and remove the fear. Then figure out what to DO. Do you have to learn something new? Do you have to tap into your network for support? Do you need to practice more? For example, are you afraid of public speaking? Join Toastmasters and start sharing your thoughts, feelings, ideas in a safe environment. Build the muscle. It’ll serve you well.

Step up when challenges arise

How many stories have you heard about people who overcame challenges? How do you feel when you hear them? For me, there is a sense of awe and admiration for those who had the courage to do the hard thing. It makes me examine the reasons I might be holding back. I've buried my head in the sand when I felt something was too difficult, uncomfortable or I simply didn't believe I could figure it out. What happened? I had to figure it out anyway and I also had to deal with a lot more pain! Here are some questions you can ask yourself when you’re faced with a new challenge:

• What’s the best that can happen?
• What’s the worst-case scenario and what can I do if I fail?
• Whose help can I enlist?
• How can I stack the deck?
• What do I need to learn?
• Who’s done it before me and what can I learn from them?
  
  

Take inventory

Examine your life and make a list of all of the times you were courageous. Don’t just look for the big things. Find the little things too. Did you need to have a difficult conversation with your partner? Did you jump out of a plane to get over your fear of heights? Did you call someone you hadn’t spoken to in a long time? Then, define the behaviors that worked for you, the thoughts which helped you get through and the skills you developed in order to be successful.

Final Thoughts

Courage is a habit. Treat it like you would any habit you’ve nurtured in the past. Start small. Take more calculated risks. Celebrate your successes. Learn from your failures. But above all, never give up your dream of a big life.

I'd love to hear what some of your strategies for becoming more courageous have been. Please feel free to share in the comments and give us a chance to celebrate you!