5 Questions to Ask to Get Past Fear

Have you ever known you just HAD to do something or make a decision about something, but were unsure or scared how to proceed?

So, let's talk about fear. First, how is it defined? Well, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Fear is specifically designed to protect us and it works wonderfully well. It's been fine tuned over the millions of year, starting with when we had to fend off dinosaurs and be hyper vigilant to threats. It's what's kept us alive. Through the ages, we have evolved and really... what are the chances that you'll run into a T-Rex coming out of your local Target!? But millenia of evolution have conditioned us to react to situations which might cause us pain, discomfort, embarrassment (insert whatever your emotion is) in the same way! It is physiological indiscernible. 

If we are honest with ourselves, unless we are in real physical danger, it's all really a mind game! And not only can we control that, we can push the boundaries of what we fear by continuing to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. I'll give you an example. I have given hundreds of presentation to groups large and small and although I get a bit of the jitters when I start, after a bit, I get into a groove and I really enjoy that I can share my thoughts with people. Now, put a camera in my face and ask me to do the same thing and I become the field mouse, scared to put myself out there. But now that I am in a new career, that is exactly what I need to do. Take a chance. Allow people to get to know me and what I'm all about. But my goodness... A camera! Aargh....!

How about you? Is there something you have been thinking about doing for some time, but which terrifies you? What excuses have you been telling yourself? Now, I know when that fear grips, you, any excuse is a good excuse, but for how long will you be willing to keep avoiding that “thing"? When will you finally decide that enough is enough? Would you believe me if I told you that you fearing and worrying about the whole thing is actually more painful than doing “the thing”? That's because what happens is seldom as painful as what we think will happen! Our brain tricks us all of the time into believing everything is the end of the world! I found that to be true anytime I needed to make a big decision or after making a decision I had been avoiding for some time. What I also found is that if we avoid deciding and doing, we actually create more pain for ourselves. The sooner we act on what we need to do, the less painful it actually is and the more rewarding. 

So, we need to take a step back. Get out of our own head because we are often our own worst enemies. We keep imagining all kinds of “worst-case scenarios” that are nothing more than our brain trying to trick us into staying comfortable. See, our brain will always be watching out for any and all situation that it considers scary, based on our conditioning, upbringing and our own experiences. So, the best thing we can do is take a good objective look at whatever we have to deal with and ask ourselves some questions: 

• Where is this fear coming from?
  Maybe you experienced something similar in the past which is causing you to doubt yourself and be fearful and your brain is replaying that. Maybe you are heading into unknown territory and realize that you'll be really out of your comfort zone and that makes you nervous. 
• What am I am really afraid of?
  Find out what the root of the fear is. I'll go back to the example of getting in front of the camera. Am I afraid of the instrument? No! I'm afraid that if I put myself out there and bear my heart, people will laugh, ridicule, criticize. And why? Because I haven't developed the confidence yet that I have something valuable to share and knowing the root cause, now I can put a learning plan against it and by learning and doing, I can take some of the uncertainty out of the equation and do better.
• What is the best that can happen?  
  See, in most cases, we wonder what the worst thing is that can happen. Our brain immediately goes to the negative. Now, imagine you're contemplating a decision or an action. Imagine how different your inner dialog would be if you entertained the positive? You could be focusing on the possibilities, the good that can come out of it, how much better you'll feel when it's done. You may start getting excited at the prospect rather than being fearful of what could go wrong. Things work out exactly how they are meant to. The Universe is always conspiring in our favor. There may be times when we need to think worst case scenario, but by changing our default to the positive, we can move through life more easily and stop the agony of hesitating which is robbing us from living your best life.
• Who am I doing this for?
  Sometimes, we need to extend the benefit of what we are doing. When we think about doing something just for ourselves, it is less powerful than doing something for our kids, our parents, our friends or colleagues. Anytime we look beyond ourselves to the greater good that we can do, it is a powerful motivator
• Then, all you need to ask is "What is my next best action of Integrity?" Then go DO THAT!
  Once you’ve made the decision, the rest is easy. Sitting on the fence the is the hard part.
  

Now, everything will not always turn out right and to close the loop and prepare ourselves for next time, debrief. Figure out if there is a lesson to be learned and if so, what it is. Also think about whether or not it was as bad as expected. Why? Why not? Then, next time a challenging situation comes up, think about your previous successes and tackle that challenge like a BOSS!